Okay. There will be a few tips here. I'm assuming you're being attacked by a neo-nazi. Maybe a pack of them, idk. Yeah. Self defense. That's it. How to punch a neo-nazi in the god damn face in self defense. No wait. It's satire. Yeah.

Anyways. Here we go.

Keep your wrist straight

If you're punching a neo-nazi in the god damn face, you'll want to keep your wrist straight. This will ensure you can "stack" the bones of your arm and deliver the most force. It will also keep your wrist from breaking.

Use your first two knuckles

If you're punching a neo-nazi in the god damn face, you'll want to use your first two knuckles (probably of your dominant hand). There are two advantages here. First, it gives you a smaller surface to line up with whatever you're specifically targeting. Second, less surface area means more pressure. If you want to harden up these knuckles in anticipation of needing to, uh, defend yourself, do knuckle push ups to toughen up. Try doing it on just these knuckles. If regular pushups are hard, you can also do standing pushups (vertical against a wall), incline pushups (on an incline, so not horizontal) or horizontal ones where you're on your on your knees or thighs (not your feet/toes). It might sound like a lot of preparation, but it will keep your knuckles from breaking (maybe) if you have to punch a neo-nazi in the god damn face.

Keep your thumb outside your fist

If you're punching a neo-nazi in the god damn face, be careful to keep your thumb outside of those first two fingers. The tip of your thumb will probably rest somewhere between the first and second joints of your middle finger or maybe touch the second join of your ring finger.

The reason for doing this is that if you tuck your thumb in, you could break it, which might be worth it, but it's avoidable.

Punch from the hip

If you're punching a neo-nazi in the god damn face, you'll want to swing your body from the hip. Hips, torso, shoulder, arm, fist. Your feet might also turn a little bit. If you're generating power from the hip, that's a normal thing to happen.

How to punch fast

If you can keep your form for punching a neo-nazi in the god damn face, try practicing punching with holding something heavy. Wrist weights are very good. Dumbbells are ok. Soup cans might be ok if you have big hands, but you'll lose your fist. In any case, try doing it (1) without the weights for a while, and then (2) with them, then (3) without them again. You should notice a significant increase in speed when you compare 3 to 2 or even 3 to 1.

Punching fast is important because you can hit harder and also "telegraph" (indicate where your punch is coming from/that it is coming) less.

Stance

For punching a neo-nazi in the god damn face, there are a few takes on this, weak side in front or in back are more modern takes on things (boxing, krav maga, jeet kune do) vs. traditional eastern arts which would have you, in the most basic stances, mostly squared up. I'd recommend the former as there's less of you to target and your reach is improved. However, it's easy to be turned too much where, say, the side of your hip is pointed away from you. That's ok for side kicks maybe (risky move), but a tough spot to keep your balance and do much of anything (other than run away).

Run away or punch again?

If you're punching a neo-nazi in the god damn face, should you punch again? This is hard to say. Odds are that you'll want to run away. Even with confirmed neo-nazis, the left is generally shocked by any direct physical violence that comes from one of them, so you won't have the friends you might expect (even if you're being attacked). It's much more germane socially to shake hands with your assailant at some weird press conference apology thing a few days later.

Also, self defense kind of stops being self defense once you can run away, so there's another reason. Check your state laws.

A few kinds of punching

If you're punching a neo-nazi in the god damn face, which kind of punch should you use?

• Jab – This is a straight punch on the same side as the forward foot. It's the quickest, longest range, hardest to see (it "telegraphs" the least), but it's not too strong
• Cross – This is a straight punch on the same side as the back foot. It telegraphs more, is slower, and the range isn't as good. However, it's really strong because you can put a lot of weight behind it.
• Uppercut – This one is for very close range. Strong but risky.
• Hook – These can be with either hand and go for the sides of a face (assuming you're face to face). They are less quick and telegraph a bit more than the jab and cross, but they are good for getting around hands in front of a neo-nazi's face
• Others - Hammer Blows, Karate chops and shit aren't that good. Don't use them. Elbows are really strong and can come from any direction, but are super close range. Kicks are tricky because your leg can get trapped, and ground fights are a whole other blog post. If you can (probably after a few years practice) pull off a crescent kick, that's probably the weirdest and most unexpected thing you could do. It telegraphs way less than a roundhouse. It's kind of your foot's uppercut. Very hard to block.

Where to punch

If you're punching a neo-nazi in the god damn face, the most vulnerable areas are:

• Bridge of nose
• Eyes (can also be poked)
• Temples
• Jaw

And down the body, we've got:

• side of neck (carotid artery)
• base of skull (in the back)
• adam's apple
• windpipe (yeah, in concave part below the adam's apple)
• Sternum
• Floating ribs (front and back
• Groin

If you're having trouble remembering vulnerable areas to punch a neo-nazi in the god damn face (or wherever), remember that there's a lot of cross over between erogenous zones and tickley spots.

There's some foot and leg stuff too, but for that, punches won't be great. Maybe a thigh punch to give a "dead leg," but low punches will leave you exposed, so not great.

And some joints break way easier than others. Knees are kind of convenient if legs are straight because your legs are super strong. That's tough though. Fingers and toes break the easiest.

Am I telling you to punch a neo-nazi in the god damn face?

Nope. It's hypothetical satirical advice for how one could do so. Also, it's basic self defense.

If you're really under threat, follow the same advice for an active shooter: run, hide, fight. The best thing is always running away, or if possible, avoiding the situation in the first place.

Fighting is way stupid if you don't want to get hurt, hurt someone else, or get in trouble.

But if you do have to punch someone in the god damn face, why not make it a neo-nazi?